Sex Toy
by TheBlankEditor
Summary: Depressing, Sex, and awsomeness
1. Chapter 1

Sex toy

"Danna, un?!"

Sasori turns around to face me upset.

"Don´t disturb me now, brat! Let me alone!"

"But danna..."

"Go. Away," he groans.

His eyes... his beautiful brown eyes watch me cold-heartedly. There´s no warm feeling for me. Nothing but annoyance and anger. Sadly I turn away to hide the tears which start flowing down my face. Confused and hurt I run as fast as I can away. Away from him... Away from the devil who stole my heart without giving a damn about it. Now I understand. I´m the only one of us who cares for the other one. Until now I had the unrealistic dream...wish... that he loves me... at least cares for me... that our nights mean more than lust to him. But now the reality hits me hardly. He doesn´t love nor like me. I´m just his toy... his sex toy for his entertainment when he´s bored. I feel like shit... unneeded... unwanted... worthless... like I was nothing.  
Soon I arrive in the forest near our hideout. Here I always calm down when something makes me upset. The trees... the birds... the wind, they make me feel saved. As it I was in my own little world where nobody can reach me... hurt me. So I let myself fall into the fresh, green grass. Here I don´t try to hold my tears back any more because I know that nobody will find me nor even try to do so. While the pain burns a hole into my heart I curl up into a ball and hug my legs.  
Why? Why doesn´t anybody care for me? Love me? Why danna? I want you. I love and need you so much! But... you... treat ma like shit. As if I was one of your fucking puppets! As if you could use me and push me away any time you want to... I don´t want that! Want to stop you! I want to treat you the same way! Want to letyou suffer the same way! But... how could I? That´s the difference between you and me. You can behave like this because you don´t have any feelings for me. But I can´t... because I love you. So...what can I do? I´m worthless! I don´t have any weapon. I...have...to...stop...this! Don´t want to feel like now ever again. Don´t want to feel so small ever again. So...I´ll refuse to speak to you! Refuse to be your uke... even if it will be the hardest thing ever.  
After some time I finally stand up. For a moment I watch the beautiful, free, blithe birds. Then I walk back to the base. It´s evening. The sun disappears and the moon arises behind the clouds.

It´s hard to hold back the wish to run into our shared room to grasp you as tight as I can. No!  
Now I head for the living room. Nobody nut Hidan is there. I sit down besides him. Hidan is my friend. He somehow likes me even though we both don´t know why. It´s good to have at least one friend though that isn´t really what I want. Yeah, friends are worthwhile and I should be happy to have one but I only want to be loved...

"Hey Deidara, you little motherfucker," he grins.

Normally I would fight because of this word. It isn´t really honest to call your friend like this but right now I don´t care. I´m too exhausted.  
Hidan notices that something´s wrong. He watches me confused.

"Is everything all right, Dei?"

I don´t want to talk now. So I shake my head from side to side then lean against him. Letting my head rest on his shoulder I close my reddened eyes. He saw them so he must know that I cried. Without another question he lets me fall asleep. And I´m thankful therefore.

XXX Hidan´s POV XXX

Poor blonde! He appears to be really weak. I wonder what that motherfucker did this time... fucking Sasori! I knew that they wouldn´t have a future together. At least not in this life.

After some time Sasori walks in looking for Deidara. His cold brown eyes rest on him for a moment. Then he faces me.

"What...?"

"Shut up, idiot," I whisper rapidly, "Let him sleep in peace and leave now!"

"Why should I?"

"Argh, you´re such a pain in the ass! Because you were mean to him! And he´s my friend! So I protect him. Go. Away. Fuckhead!"

"Hmpf," he groans but walks away.

I sigh released then lean against my dear friend to sleep, too. I hope Kakuzu won´t be upset because he can´t fuck me tonight. But now Dei is much more important than Kuzu´s needs!


	2. Chapter 2

XXX Back to Dei´s POV XXX

It´s hard! I can´t forget him...  
Three days passed by since I decided to ignore him. In the night I sleep in the living room and every day I hide in the forest creating little clay birds and dreaming of him. Even if I try to think of something different my mind soon goes back to him. Every time I close my eyes his face appears in my head and I can´t get rid of it. My weakness annoys me and shows what he has done to me. Before I got to know him everything was all right. I only cared for my bombs and myself. I didn´t love anybody. But now?! I´d like to kill him therefore! I never wanted to become like this... so addicted... And the worst is that I know I´ll never be healed. He will always steal my mind and destroy me more and more until no part of me, the real me, is left. I hate him! ...I love him.

Suddenly somebody touches me. I open my eyes to face HIM! Panicked I try to jump back but the sofa stops me. There´s no emotion in his face. He doesn´t move at all but watches me. My eyes become as wide as they can in fear.  
Shit, what now?  
After some minutes of gazing at each other he finally starts talking.

"Deidara, you´re really stupid..."

"B-but danna...un..."

"Shut up! Now you´ll pay for your mistake!"

"I-I... didn´t..."

"I hate waiting! You should have known best that your behaviour makes me really... really angry, Deidara!"

"B-but..."

"Now it´s too late to apologise, brat!"

"D-danna..."

"Come with me! NOW!"

"N-No, un!"

"BRAT," he snaps and grabs my wrist roughly. Then he pushes me into the corridor.  
I know the direction we´re going... to our shared room. His cold breath blows into my neck while he pushes me forward.  
I can´t hold back my fear. My whole body starts shaking uncontrollable.  
We arrive in our room. Sasori lets go of me and locks the door while my eyes search for an escape route... any... But I already know that I can´t run away because he´s too fast. He would stop me and my punishment would be even worse. And there´s no possibility to fight against him to get free because he´s too strong and I´m out of clay. Anyway I couldn´t hurt him.

Sasori steps behind my shaking body and rubs my back with his cold white hands.

"Ah, brat, don´t be scared! You always enjoyed what we´ll do now! Anyway it´ll hurt less if you simply relax," he whispers into my ear.

That makes my fear become even worse.

"Please... danna...un... stop," I beg.

"Argh, shut up, bitch! I know you can´t resist me!"

He starts biting into my sensitive neck until blood flows down my back soaking the white shirt I´m wearing. Lust-filled Sasori rips my shirt with a single movement and licks of the blood with his wet tongue. Unable to move I just stand there. It´s as if I´m glued to the ground. My heart seems to explode soon. I want him to stop. To let go of me. Every touch burns my skin.  
While his teeth continue torturing my skin his hands trail down my sides. They arrive at my trousers. Slowly they crawl around my waist to my zipper. They open it and get rid of my trousers and my boxers. Totally naked I shudder uncontrollable while my eyes fill with tears.

"S-Stop...danna!"

"Forget it, brat," he grins into my hair, "You´re too sexy!"

Sasori grabs my length roughly and starts pumping it while he rubs his hardened member against my ass.  
"Danna... let... go of me, un!"

"Don´t you enjoy that, bitch?"

"N-NO," I sob loudly.

"As you wish, brat! But then it´ll hurt even more!"

Without giving me the chance to answer he shoves me to the ground. I try to crawl away... to escape... But he kicks into my stomach. In pain I collapse. Sasori grabs my chin and turns it to him so that I have to look into his cold, lust-filled eyes.

"Don´t. Move. Brat," he groans warningly.

Scared I follow his order. It´s too late for me...  
Soon I feel his hands on my back. Then he rams roughly into me. In pain I shriek but he doesn´t pay attention. Moaning he fastens up pushing into me over and over again. I just want him to stop. To get rid of my enormous pain. But I don´t dare to move. So I let him go ahead while screaming even louder. Soon my blood soaks the ground but even that doesn´t interest him.

"Yeah...SCREAM BITCH," he moans into my neck and rams in as hasr as he can.  
I see stars in front of my eyes... I never felt something like this before. My knees and arms give in but Sasori holds me in position. Weakened I close my eyes and hope to faint but it doesn´t happen. I have to feel everything... each pain caused through his length... the pain in my heart. Why?  
My screams turn him on even more so that he releases soon into my ass. He gasps for air then he lets go of me and stands up.

"I-I warned you, brat!"

I collapse on the ground and don´t move at all. Sasori closes his zipper and goes out of the room leaving me in my own blood. While my ass continues hurting my tears mix with the blood around me.  
Why? Why did you do that, Sasori? Didn´t you hurt me enough already? Why couldn´t you simply ignore me? Let me suffer that way? Why did you have to make it even worse? Why, Sasori?  
Without finding an answer I lock my feelings in my heart.  
Then everything becomes black.

…...  
As I wake up again I´m lying in my bed. Hidan sits besides me and watches me worried. Scared I scan the room searching for a certain redhead. As I notice that he isn´t here I relax a bit.

"Shhhh, Dei! It´s all right! I´m here. I´ll protect you!"

I just look into his eyes and show him my pain, my fear, my helplessness. Soon I start sobbing again. Hidan hugs me tightly and caresses my head lovingly.

"Shhhh, Dei" You have to sleep now! You´re ill!"

Rapidly I shake my head from side to side. He would come and... and... do it again. It isn´t safe here! I can´t sleep!

"But I´ll be there the whole time, Dei! He can´t hurt you while you sleep!"

How could I sleep? In this room... where it happened? I refuse to remember what happened some hours before. It... it´s too painful.  
Sighing Hidan lifts me up carefully and carries me into his and Kakuzu´s room. There he puts me into his bed.

"Better?"

I nod weakly in agreement then fall into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

For a week I was near death. The fever weakened me even more. Hidan and Konan tried to feed me, to lower my temperature, to calm me every time I woke up screaming. But I refused to eat, the temperature rose and I stopped sleeping. Each time I fell asleep I was in a black room...naked. There I couldn´t see anything but suddenly there were footsteps heading for me... a cruel laughter... This voice! I knew it... Soon the person arrived next to me and watched me for a moment.

"Deidara," it said, "You´re lost! I own you, bitch!"

All of sudden the pain hit me... the enormous pain from before... and I saw Sasori laughing at me.  
I couldn´t stand this dream any more! Too...painful! So I refused to close my eyes even if Hidan and Konan begged for it.

"Dei, you´ll die if you don´t sleep! You have to rest!"

"Please Dei, fuck! It´ll kill you... Believe me, nobody can hurt you! You´re safe!"

But I wasn´t and still I´m not! I sense his presence and feel his gaze on me every time I walk through the living room/ the corridor/ the kitchen/ the garden. There´s no safe place for me! Nowhere! I know that he´ll do it again as soon as I´m alone. And I will be alone again! They can´t take care for me all day. But until now he hadn´t the chance because Hidan followed me everywhere. I´m thankful for his care but the day will come. The day when I´m totally alone. I´ll try to protect myself with my clay (I bought some yesterday) but it won´t stop him. Sasori is stronger than me! So I live in fear every day... every minute... every second. Happiness, safety, warmth... all these feelings are gone forever. I can´t laugh nor smile any more. Weakness, fear, anger, desperate love rule my heart and destroy me from inside. And I can´t do anything about it as long as he´s there. What´s worth living for? I don´t know any more. Before I got to know him it was my art. But now? Even that is worthless. Where´s the cruel fighter I was before? I don´t know! He´s gone forever. Where´s my strength? Why can´t I get rid of my love for him? I really want to... but I can´t. I just want to kill myself but something holds me back. The only thing I´m doing is vegetating. My body has become thinner than ever, I´m pale, my eyes without life. I hate you! But I love you!

…...

"Deidara, Pein wants to see you," Kakuzu says.

Carelessly I stand up and walk into our leaders room. Sasori is already there sitting on one of the chairs in front of Pein´s table. My heart skips a beat though I try to control my body. I sit down besides the redhead and concentrate on the window. The first time... I knew it... too early... It´s the first time we´re totally alone again. The only thing I can do is hoping that leader will arrive as soon as possible.  
Chuckling the redhead turns to me. His chocolate brown eyes burn into my face. His head comes closer and he starts whispering.

"Where´s your bodyguard, brat?"

As an answer I simply shrug while pictures of him... and me... show in my thoughts. He... moaning...my blood... laughing... the pain... no end... I try to concentrate on the weather outside but he doesn´t let me. His presence makes me remember everything. I-I don´t want to... but I can´t.  
Then his soft warm lips start kissing my cheek... He softly bites into my ear lobe earning a slight shudder.

"You can´t escape! Sooner or later I´ll always get you, bitch!"

"Sasori stop that," Pein orders who suddenly arrived out of nowhere, "I have a mission for you two but it will only work if you´re a team. And I don´t think that Deidara will work with you as long as you do such a thing! So no sexual harassment, Sasori!"

"Sorry leader," he smiles innocently, "He´s just too delicious!"

"Anyway stop this, okay!?"

"All right!"

But I know that he´s lying.


	4. Chapter 4

We got the mission to overpower the Kazekage Gaara. Therefore we have to go to Sunagakure. It´s a long way and a really dangerous mission because soon other nin´s will follow us and try to stop us.  
Five days already passed by and I didn´t give Sasori the chance to touch me again. I stay all the time on my clay bird...even in the night. Sometimes he tries to talk to me... tries to regain my trust so that I´d come down and sleep besides him. But I´m not that stupid! I stay out of his reach and don´t speak with him at all. That always makes him upset. Then he screams and insults me. Though these words hurt my heart I don´t show any emotion. The only thing I concentrate on is the fight with the Kazekage. I heard that he´s very strong and is a really good sand-bender but I don´t think that he´ll be a big problem for me.

…...  
The fight is over. I lost my left arm but it was worth. With that lost I could decide the fight for me. It was a welcome diversion to hurt somebody. I tried to play as long as possible to annoy Sasori a bit. But then the other nin´s noticed me and tried to help their Kazekage so that it got really dangerous for me.  
So I return now to Sasori with the lifeless body. The redhead is hidden in his ugliest puppet, Hiruko. I never liked it but nowadays I´m thankful that I don´t have to see his fucking face.

"You let me wait, brat!"

I simply shrug then let my bird fly away from him. But he follows me.

…...  
"I...I have to talk to you, Deidara," he says in deep thought.

As an answer I give him the cold shoulder.

"Please, Deidara," he sounds somehow despairing, "Please say something... anything you want... but stop refusing to talk to me!"

"What do you want, un?"

I let my voice sound as cold as possible.

"I´m... I´m sorry!"

"NO, you aren´t and now shut up, un! I don´t believe anything you say any more. Your words are worthless! Only what you did to me counts, un!"

"But..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP,UN," I scream in anger.

How could he dare to think that I would believe him?Even a person without feelings should know, that it´s too late! Too late to apologize. He did the worst thing he could ever have done to me. How could I accept his apology? How could I ever trust him again? He broke my heart and treated me like shit. I bet he only wants me to come down. Then he could... do it...again. NEVER!  
So I didn´t say anything again.

…...  
We got the Kazekage´s power and now we, Sasori and me, have to fight against a stupid old hag, a pink haired girl, a blonde idiot and a grey haired man. Great! I decide that I´ll take the blonde idiot. With a last gaze on Sasori I fly away.

-...  
"Where´s S-S...him..., un?" I ask Zetzu.

"Sasori? Don´t know, the fight must be over yet..."

"I´ll fly over there and look for him, un. See ya later!"

At I arrive at the place of fight I see nothing but puppets.

"Wonderful now I have to search for that fuckhead in this crowd, un. SASORI?"

May be he left the place and is already walking back to our base?! But... but he wouldn´t leave his puppets behind, would he? Fear crawls up my back while my eyes look for him. May be he just rests somewhere and will return then to repair his weapons?!  
But then I find the answer. There´s a certain redhead puppet lying on the cold ground with two swords stabbed through its heart container. Scared I run to him and shake him. No movement... I turn him around... purple blood soaks my cloak... No life in him... No eyes any more... they disappeared with his life... Sasori is... is dead. I start crying like never before and hide my face in his chest. I can still smell him... taste his blood in my mouth... My... my love! He´s gone... forever!

"Why, Sasori? WHY? I... love... you! Come... come back to me... un … please! How... how could you?" I whisper into his cloak.

I realize that his death is the worst punishment he could ever do to me. He´s away and he´ll never get the chance to rape me again... but now I´m totally alone. I´m in safety but is it worth? My love... the only one I ever cared for... the only one I ever loved is... gone!I hate him for what he has done but... but it hurts too much! Much more as the pain as he raped me!

"Why? How... could... you... un... leave... me?"

I want to hit myself for my weakness. But there´s no possibility to stop the pain. To stop the plenty tears flowing down my face mixing this time with his blood. My whole world breaks into pieces... because he was my world. Now I realise that the only thing worth living for was him! I lived for him... just for him... But he leaves me all alone. What should I do now? Why can´t I stop feeling like this? So... sick... Why must it hurt so much? Why am I not released? He´s away. He´s away for ever! Why do I have to suffer that much? Why? Why me?  
I can´t stand the pain any more and faint on his dead body.  
I... I love you.

…...


	5. Chapter 5

The time passes by. I´m going to fight against Itachi´s brother, Sasuke. I know that this will be my final fight. My last one... because I don´t want any more. Don´t want to live... I do give in. The pain caused trough his death turned into a robot without any aim. The other Akatsuki members had to feed, wash, care for me because I didn´t do anything any more. What? Why should I? Without him... why should I go on living? I didn´t care for me any more. After some time I lost myself in my own little dream world where Sasori was still alive. I almost forgot my real life but then I realized that it wouldn´t help! It wouldn´t stop the pain. Wouldn´t make me happy ever again. Wouldn´t bring him back. So I got an aim. I prepared for my next... my last mission. It will be my ultimate chance to show the whole world... to prove Sasori...that my art is the real one even though it isn´t important for me any more. But... I lived my whole life for this moment so why shouldn´t I follow my old plan?

…...  
Right now I´m sitting in front of that bastard. I have to admit that he´s really strong... as I expected. But it wouldn´t be fun if he wasn´t a worthy opponent. I´m almost out of strength, he´s sure that he will will and wants me to give up. But that isn´t my stile. Besides I have a surprise for him... for everybody.

"G-Give up!"

"No, un! Be happy, bastard! You´ll have the chance to see something fantastic even though you won´t survive it, un. Now I´ll show you what real art is, un!"

With that I free my chest- mouth and let all my strength that is left flow into it. It takes some time to concentrate all my chacra on it. Finally I disappear. I am the black chacra ball where my chest mouth was before. Nobody will have the chance to escape out of that explosion! Sasuke will die... Tobi will... I will!  
So, Sasori, that´s it! Now I will be released! I will be free again! The pain will leave me! I´ll get rid of you, my love!You won´t let me suffer ever again! And I can show what real art is! Real art doesn´t last forever! It disappears from one second to another and that makes art so special! Only the one who had the luck to see that explosion will know what it looked like... won´t ever forget it! Every explosion is different and that makes it so unique. All your puppets are destroyed. Your "everlasting" art doesn´t exist any more! In the end it was fleeting... as real art must be! I won!  
Laughing I let all my strength leave me and... explode.

"ART IS A BANG, UN!"

Everything in the radius of ten kilometres gets destroyed because of me.  
I feel free, released, as the birds do!  
Everything dies... how beautiful! Yeah, that´s real art! The world won´t forget my creation!  
Then I don´t see anything... darkness coats me.


	6. Chapter 6

I open my eyes confused. I´m lying in a desert... Why am I here? Why am I still alive? I destroyed me... let myself explode... didn´t I? So what the hell am I doing in a desert? It... it´s so hot! I´m thirsty... have to find water...  
So I start walking while the sun burns on my head. Several thoughts... questions... I can´t explain a single one of them. What´s going on?

…...  
I´m walking through this fucking desert for two weeks now. Normally I would have been dead already... without any water I would have died within three or four days. So there´s just one explanation left that is approximately logical: I am dead! But... if that´s death there must be other persons except me! I mean I´m not the first one to die! Where are they?  
May be I simply have to find the way out of this torture. Have to find the others... Yeah, that must it be! You have to go through this after you died!  
It´s so pitiful! You´re hungry, thirsty and ill because of your loneliness but you can´t lay down and die because you already are dead.  
I want to fucking find my aim although I don´t know what it is. Where the hell shall I go? It´s like I´m going the same route over and over again while the sun desiccates your whole body. I almost can feel how the water reserves leave me. It weakens me so much but there is no possibility to hide. Nothing is shady. No cloud is there up in the sky. Nothing but the hot sun. My stomach hurts because of the loss of food. My mouth hurts because of the loss of water. It dries out as a lake in the summer and it gets cracked. But I can´t do anything about it because there´s no end in sight! Nowhere is water nor food. I want to kill myself but I don´t have any clay... anyway I´m already dead! So there´s no escape.  
My head aches because of this loneliness. I haven´t spoken to anybody for those two weeks. No life is here except me. But I do want to talk, to scream at anybody... To be in civilisation again! But how? I can´t see the end.

…...  
After four more weeks I finally see something on the horizon. Hopefully I start running though my legs feel so heavy. But I don´t stop... I don´t give in. The need to get rid of this loneliness makes me run even faster.  
Then I see something green... grass... trees... and a big house. It´s evening and the lights are already on. There...there must be life in it! There must be somebody! At last!  
Soon I arrive in front of the houses´ door. Sighing I turn around a last time. But there isn´t a desert any more. Everywhere around the house and me is a forest. And the pain leaves me as well. No need for water nor food... It´s like as I´ve never been in this desert. It´s like it was a dream...  
Confused I knock on the door. Nobody opens so I walk in by myself. I´m standing in a long dark corridor. For a moment it seems like nobody is here but then I hear some voices. Rapidly I head for the direction they came from. It´s the last door of the corridor and as I open it the bright light dazzles me so that I have to close my eyes for a moment. It´s calm again but I feel some gazes on my face. As I open my eyes again I realize that I´m standing in a living room... and... Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi are sitting in front of a TV on a big sofa. They all watch me interested.

"Welcome Dei," Hidan smiles happily.

"What took you so long?" Kakuzu asks.

"Where am I, un?"

"Pff, you don´t know?" Itachi asks unbelieving, "You´re dead, Deidara! You killed yourself!"

I know... But why are you here, un?"

"Well, I´ve been killed by Sasuke."

"What? I thought I killed him, un?!"

"You didn´t, somehow the bastard survived."

"...You all died after me so why are you already here, un?"

"Well we guess that everybody who fucking kills his-/ or herself has to go through a special torture," Hidan answers interested, "So what was your torture, Dei?"

"I had to find a way out of a desert, un. It was horrible!"

"Ugh, sounds hard..."

"Where´s Tobi, un? I killed at least him, didn´t I?"

"No, he survived, too," Kakuzu grins, " The only one who died was you, all the animals and plants around you. Believe me, as soon as Zetzu is dead you´ll have a big problem with him! By the way, impressing explosion, Deidara!"

"Thanks! Who´s here except us, un?"

""Just Sasori..."

I shudder instinctively while I remember... remember him... I almost forgot him as I tried to find anybody here but now... the pain returns. Not as strong as before... but it returns. Sasori... he´s here!  
I didn´t consider to meet him ever again as I decided to kill myself. But now I´m somehow happy. Happy to be near to him again... to feel his presence... his gaze on me... even if it could mean that he´d... rape me once more... I´m near to him again and that´s the most important thing for me! My love... my Sasori...

"Anyway we told him that you killed yourself," Itachi informs me, "He said that you should go to him as soon as you arrive."

"Dei, you don't have to go," Hidan says carefully, "We simply can hide you some more and keep secret that you´re here. So you´d have some time to prepare for your meeting... If you want to!"

I know I could but right now I just want to see him as soon as possible!

"No, it´s all right, un. I´m strong enough. See ya later, un!"

So I turn around and go out of the room.

"It´s the third room on the left side!" Hidan shouts.

My body starts to shudder again. Half in fear half in longing. Carefully I knock on the door. Nothing... I knock again.

"Who´s there?" A well known voice asks and opens the door roughly, "I said that I don´t want to see anybody except... you..."

His eyes grow wider and his mouth stays open in disbelief.

"H-Hello... S-Sasori...un... nice to...to...meet...you...again, un!"

"Deidara," he whispers then steps forward... wants to hug me... but he remembers something.

"S-Sorry! Please come in!"

I follow him into his room. It isn´t like I thought... There aren´t any puppets lying around nor any wooden piece of work. Wondering I walk to his table and discover some drawings... of... me...  
Rapidly he tries to hide them but I´m faster. I grab one of those pictures. It shows me sitting under a tree moulding some clay birds. A really good and realistic drawing of mine... But why did he portray me? He never cared for me, did he? Why should he draw me? And if I saw right, all those pictures show me, don´t they?

"Explain that, un!"

The redhead blushes crimson and rubs his head ashamed.

"Well... Where do I start? First of all sit down, please! There´s so much to say, explain, apologize..."

I follow his wish... yeah wish... it isn´t an order. Normally it would have been an order but now? He´s somehow different..."

"Go ahead, un!"

"Well first of all I want to apologize for... what I´ve done to you! I hadn´t the right to do such a cruel thing... to even touch you, Deidara! I don´t know how I could do that... But as I began to... to rape you I... I couldn´t stop. I was so angry and disappointed because of myself! I knew the whole time that I hurt you with my rough behaviour but somehow I couldn´t be nicer to you. Then... then you ignored be and I became really frustrated. No one ever dared to ignore me! I-I was so upset and I couldn´t quit dreaming of you. I wanted to touch and kiss you... to hold you in my arms again. But I knew that you wouldn´t let me! So angry about my misery I... I decided to r-rape you. So... so...sorry... I´m so sorry, Deidara! Later I realized which mistake I´ve made. What I destroyed... our relationship... your trust... you. And I knew that I couldn´t solve this problem. Every time I looked into your beautiful face I saw the pain, the fear, the helplessness. I hurt you so much and I couldn´t do anything about it but dying. So I decided to disappear out of your life to release you from your pain. That was the only thing I could do for you. I... I let you think that I don´t feel anything for you... But that wasn´t right! I felt it though I didn´t want to. I didn´t want to have any emotion. So I thought it would be better... for you... and me to leave forever."

" But S-Sasori! That didn´t release me, un! Your death made my pain even worse, un. It was worse than being raped, un... I felt so lost... lonely... somehow killed inside..."

"I´m so sorry, Deidara! I didn´t know that! I-I thought that you´d be happy if I died..."

"How could I, un?"

"So, I didn´t expect that you´d kill yourself. Why?" Sasori asks.

"Because of you, un! I- I didn´t want to live any more, un."

"It would have been better if I´ve never come into your life! Now you´re dead... just because of me... I turned your whole life into hell... I don´t know what I can do to repay my debt... I can´t do anything... You have to know, that I do care for you, Deidara! Every time I wake up, I close my eyes, am alone I see you... just you! I drew you because I care for you... more than that... I... love you!"

"Y-You do what?" I ask confused.

"I love you with all my heart, Deidara! And... and that´s good because you can punish me now on the same way! I´m human again so my feelings for you are stronger... much more. So play with me... hurt me... everything you want! You own me!"

Sasori kneels down in front of me and lowers his head awaiting a punch into his face. But... I can´t! Though he hurt me so much... Though he destroyed me... Though he´s the reason for my death... I don´t want to hurt him. I simply want to hug him tightly and never let go off him ever again.

"I don´t want to punish you, un," I whisper and kneel down as well.

Seriously I look into his unbelieving beautiful eyes.

"Why?"

"Because I love you, un!"

With that I bend forward and touch his soft lips with my own ones. Shocked he doesn´t move for a moment, that feels like eternity for me, but then melts into the kiss. I lay my arms around his neck to get as near as possible to him.

"I...I...forgive...you, un!"

He breaks the kiss and looks directly into my blue eyes.

"Are you sure, Dei? That´s a big step! I-I raped you! What if you´ll regret..."

I stop him with another passionate kiss. Sasori gasps surprised. Taking my chance I let my tongue slide into his sweet mouth. His tongue returns the lovingly movement and begins massaging mine.  
I feel how the wound in my heart heals from one second to another.  
All I need to be happy again, to forget the pain caused through the person in front of me is him. He´s the one I love more than anything in my life and I can´t do anything about it. As long as he´s loves me, too, I´m happy.  
I know that some of you´ll say I´m stupid therefore. I should let him suffer. Should resist him. But you can´t control love! It isn´t a game somebody can win! The love finds its own ways and the only thing you can do about it is accepting your destiny.

"I won´t, my love, I won´t, un."


End file.
